The following guidelines, which I have chosen to label TABLE MANNERS FOR INTERFAITH DIALOGUE, have grown out of an on-going dialogue among leadership from the Jewish, Islamic and Christian faith community in New York City sponsored by the New York office of the National Conference of Community and Justice (formerly National Conference of Christians and Jews). This group, which represents many branches within each faith communities, meets on a monthly basis to discuss religious, social and political concerns. It is our desire to go from the table with a deepened understanding of and appreciation for the way our individual faith perspectives shape our lives. We trust that out of the dialogues which we share we will better able to negotiate those sometimes treacherous times of mis-understanding between our cultures as we walk together toward shalom.

RIGHTS, RISKS AND RESPONSIBILITIES OF DIALOGUE

Dialogue is a process through which people share openly and honestly their views, attitudes, beliefs and feelings about a subject. The goal of dialogue is both simple and complex: to deepen and widen our understanding of ourselves and the other people with whom we are in dialogue.

Genuine dialogue implies the possibility of being changed by the experience; therefore, dialogue is inherently risky! For true dialogue to occur, participants must have a safe environment of mutually accepted rights and responsibilities. These rights and responsibilities are rooted in two fundamental values: respect for the human person and trust in the benefits of dialogue.

We believe that true dialogue can occur when all participants honor the following rights and responsibilities:

RIGHTS
· Each person has the right to express his or her beliefs, ideas and feelings.

· Each person has the right to define him or herself without being labeled by others.

· Each person has the right to ask questions that help him or her understand what someone else is saying.

· Each person has the right not to change or be forced to change.

· Each person has the right to ask others to hold what he or she says in confidence.

RESPONSIBILITIES
· Each person has a responsibility to listen to others patiently and without judgement.

· Each person has a responsibility not to make untested assumptions about others.

· Each person has a responsibility to answer questions in ways that help others understand him or her.

· Each person has a responsibility to grant basic human respect to others, even in times of conflict or disagreement.

· Each person has a responsibility to evaluate his or her own values and attitudes.

DIALOGUE TIPS
Dialogue is a process by which we share our opinions and attitudes in an atmosphere of trust even if there are profound differences expressed.

The goal of dialogue is to help us understand our own feelings and beliefs about ourselves and our traditions and to give us the opportunity to understand others who may not share these same beliefs, feelings and traditions.

ALWAYS REMEMBER,
· DIALOGUE IS:
· The right of each person to express his/herself.

· The right to be heard respectfully.

· The right to ask questions of others for clarification.

· The responsibility to listen patiently and non-judgmentally.

· The responsibility to respect other points of view.

· The responsibility to answer questions.

· DIALOGUE IS NOT
· Preaching to exhort others to give up or change their beliefs and traditions and "convert" or "join" with us.

· Accusatory in nature.

· Defensive.

WHEN ORGANIZING AND MAINTAINING A DIALOGUE:
· find the most comfortable and attractive location.
· Arrange seating so that participants can easily see one another.
· Keep religious dietary laws in mind if serving refreshments.
· Start each session with an introductory go-around and especially welcome newcomers.
· Periodically remind participants of ground rules.
· Provide the opportunity for everyone to speak before allowing a participant to speak again.
· Remind participants that few speak for their entire faith tradition (unless they are the head of a church or organization).
· Avoid exclusive cross-discussion between two active participants.